After all the adventures, and all the monotony, hair cuts, and subjecting poor unsuspecting family members to a tiger “cruise,” we came home to San Diego.

I had the most fabulous first night home. I hung out with Dan. First, we sincerely tried to eat everything at the Yard House. We befriended the gorgeous waiter dude, who casually mentioned a girlfriend, and we’re still not sure of what to make of him giving us his business card…was he hitting on both of us? It said he was a personal trainer—was he calling us fat?!

Next we went to a bar that, it turned out, was doing karaoke type stuff. I did not partake. We noticed this older woman that was just giggling and having a blast there, and we decided to buy her a shot. She came over and said hello, and turned out she was from Sydney, Australia! We chatted about how much we love Australia, and San Diego, and she did her first ever shot, in her life, with Dan and me. If you ask me that’s pretty amazing. She also gave us these cute little kangaroo pins, and mine still lives in my car as a good luck charm.

Then we became best friends with the waitress, obviously, and there were more shots. We stayed friends with her for a long time actually. It was a fantastic welcome back to the US. I think we were so excited to be back in the country, understanding everyone’s language and enthusiastically showing our IDs to bouncers after not being carded in six months, that we made friends with everyone. We were in love with America and friends. It was the perfect welcome back to the States.

So the Navy does these horrible things called Tiger Cruises, in order to subject sailor’s family members to a taste of the insane neverending torture of being underway. Well, the two-day ones out of Norfolk were alright, but the stupid seven-day one going from Hawaii to San Diego is just plain punishment. My mom and 12ish-year-old sister came on it.

On the first day, when they weren’t doing the sporadic tours of flight deck operations (it’s like ALL an aircraft carrier does is carry aircraft), the sister finished all the books she brought.

The second day, when she wasn’t watching planes take off (damn you Top Gun!), she finished all the knitting she brought.

I think she spent the rest of the days watching crap movies on loop on site tv. Oh except on Fourth of July, which was freezing in the middle of the Pacific shockingly, when we got to see fireworks! I mean tracers from the mounted guns.

Of course I couldn’t take them anywhere I work. Stupid clearance required to get past the doors! So they got to watch when I left them for 5 hours every 20 to go stand watch. Goooood times.

I can’t even talk about the Tiger Cruise any more it was so boring.

I was a nuclear-qualified electrician. Which means: I did not do anything with nuclear weapons, it was nuclear generated electricity…okay in all honesty I didn’t even do much with electricity. FINE I watched a lot of tv on dvd, took naps, and got drunk in port calls.

Happy Independence Day!! Deployment homecomings are just SO patriotic!

After Hong Kong our ship stopped in Honolulu for like, the night. Just enough time to get my drink on, flirt with this one hottie who LOVED me when he was drunk and would not give me the time of day when he was sober (I think he’s married happily now so that worked out okay!), find $80 (that most likely some poor drunk sailor had lost), buy some more drinks, have a bizarre moment with that night’s drinking buddy, and get back to the ship by 6am when I had to be there for duty.

My drinking buddy had a motel room for the night and well, you know what happened next, if you know that we just had a fantastic time drinking and talking, he awkwardly asked if we could just hold each other, I was a bit too drunk to care, lay there for 5 minutes eyes wide open staring at the wall as he fell asleep, then got the hell out of there and caught a cab back to the ship, where I may have been drunk but I was definitely not late for duty!

The next day was obviously a lot of punching and making fun of my needy drinking buddy who ‘just wanted to hold someone.’

But hey I did find $80!

If you’re a girl that likes coasting by on her looks and the fact that she has boobs, then the Navy is for you! And if you’re a girl that likes working just as hard as everyone else, then the Navy is for you! In all seriousness, it’s not about being a girl or a guy. There are people that the Navy might not be good for: those that can’t take orders. It’s a fantastic experience, but when the shit hits the fan, your job is to defend the country. It also may be a struggle for those who can’t take being yelled at. If you’re going to cry every time you make a mistake, it’s going to be tough. If you man up and admit your mistakes, realize that the guy yelling at you is nowhere NEAR as scary as your dad yelling at you when you were 8, you’ll be fine. 

This shouldn’t scare you off either. People are capable of more than they think. If you’re scared you can’t handle it, you probably can. If you don’t WANT to handle taking orders and being yelled at, then you probably won’t.

But it’s brilliant, especially after you get out. You get respect as a job applicant, the best friends in the world while traveling that world, and the most beautiful look of genuine camaraderie from an old WWII vet when he finds out you were in the same Navy he was.

I recommend it. 

I totally suck at this blogging thing I know

Alright, I told myself that sometime in February I would admit what happened in Hong Kong. Today is my last chance today to do that.

I was absolutely obsessed with this married guy. I mean, I had dirty thoughts, and it just seemed so easy because I was underway and he was a famous soccer star. That’s right. I discovered David Beckham existed. 

He even shaves! An amazing friend gave this to me in Hong Kong; I’m pretty sure all the Chinese text says, ‘This man is HOT! Isn’t he HOT? World cup HOT!’ (Can anyone tell me why ‘cup’ doesn’t translate into Chinese?)

The 2006 World Cup was going on at the exact time we were in Hong Kong, and it turns out people not in the USA think that thing is actually pretty cool! We happened to find ourselves in a bar a few hours before a game started, and were a bit surprised by how the place filled up. Then this big screen in front of us lit up with the faces of the British soccer team emerging onto the field. There went one gorgeous scruffy face, looking determined—to be sexy! Then gorgeous face after chiselled gorgeous face passed by. I mean I’m pretty convinced they were hired by way of some soccer beauty pageant. Don’t ask me how Wayne Rooney made it through…equal opportunity? 

But oh, they were pretty. My one regret in the Navy is that I did NOT buy the tshirt in the FCUK store that port call. The one that said ‘England: I could manage the WHOLE team.’ I thought, ‘Wait, EVERYONE knows?!’ Man I woulda rocked that tshirt. And the English soccer team. 

Later on I heard David Beckham speak and, sadly, our affair was over. Who gave that gorgeous man THAT voice? Very sad. Mrs Beckham must make sure he doesn’t talk at home. I’m convinced they just listen to Spice Girls albums all day. Anyway, the World Cup made Hong Kong awesome. And fun to look at!

Sure, yeah, we stopped in Hong Kong for four days. But nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. If anyone tells you differently, THEY’RE LYING!

The only picture I could find of me in Malaysia.